Grateful getaways! And also by “happy” What i’m saying is, things certain sense actually poor today?? And the majority of folks have likely had the trip plans changed once again?? But fortunately the gift to you personally is a virtual one AKA all of our long-awaited mailbag occurrence!

We get into difficult emotions surrounding non-monogamy, fictional characters we would want regarding pod, and so much more. Thanks a lot to any or all exactly who submitted concerns!

PROGRAM RECORDS

+ Here you will find the lip recs from Christina!
Virtually Lipstick from Clinique
and
Powder-puff Lippie from NYX
.

+ whether it feels very good,
do it
.

+ you simply can’t watch Barbara Hammer movies online in case you are in Los Angeles you will see Nitrate Kisses in theatres the following month
at no cost
.

+
Scissoring merch
! get scissoring merch!

+ An essay on

Paul requires the Form of a Mortal woman

and
our model of sluttiness
.

+ Ro’s
portion on dental dams.

+

The Novice

has gone out now! enjoy it!

---

Drew:

I was speaking with my father of all people—

Christina:

Bringing dads into this space!

Drew:

I understand — about getting happy. And dad was actually like, “Oh, really, do you really believe it is because this is the very first commitment that you have become into as your self?

Christina:

To start with, father, that’s so sweet!

Drew:

I’m sure! Very nice father opinion.

Christina:

Stop, king!

Drew:

And I also had been like — extremely funny to help you contact my father master.

Theme tune plays

Drew:

Hi, I Am Drew!

Christina:

And I Also’m Christina! Referring to a podcast that we forgot the intro to currently.

Drew:

Which is okay! This has been sometime.

Christina:

Woohoo, it has got.

Drew:

This is

Wait, Is This a night out together?

Christina:

Yes, that podcast.

Drew:

We’ll analysis part. This is

Hold off, Is It a Date?

An Autostraddle podcast about sex and internet dating as queer people who have queer people, ideally. Just how, how have always been I carrying out?

Christina:

No, I think you’re crushing it. In my opinion what is actually exciting relating to this event is it is actually the mailbag occurrence where we’ll be getting concerns away from you, the audience. A bunch of you submitted voice memos and email messages, and we experience the content material in addition to questions and hopefully the answers, but like, we, I am not gonna state anything too crazy. I really don’t want to get too outlandish, you understand?

Drew:

Yeah. We are questioning with you. Should we — I mean, this probably isn’t really people’s basic occurrence, but in instance folks skipped us, you are sure that, adding ourselves, maybe that is another person’s favored area of the podcast. And so I believe we ought to introduce ourselves.

Christina:

Yeah, absolutely.

Drew:

Okay, cool. We’ll get very first. I’m Drew Gregory. I am a writer and a filmmaker and a queer individual. We nonetheless determine as a lesbian, but I’ve been making use of that term much less, that’s maybe something I am able to unpack on the next event. We nonetheless in the morning a lesbian, but I additionally was love, so what does that also mean? You know? I am not sure. Brands are funny, but I’m rather confident that i am a writer. I’m rather positive that I’m a filmmaker. Uh, think about you?

Christina:

Yeah. Uh, i will be Christina Tucker, a writer at Autostraddle also. I’m in addition a queer person. I began in fact making use of “queer” a lot more whenever I initial came out and now i take advantage of lesbian maybe similarly. I am really, I just types of use whatever word feels right, appearing out of my personal lips in time. And that I you shouldn’t really think regarding it much more than that. But that is a journey we’re all on, frankly.

Drew:

I help that. I really do think that sums up exactly who we have been, that I’m similar, “i’ll need certainly to revisit this as time goes on.” And you are love, “I just type of do what I think and do not need certainly to believe much more about it.”

Christina:

I quite virtually choose the phrase that works well good for the little bit, so…

Drew:

Well, yeah. So as you said, this is exactly our mailbag event. Should we simply get into initial — oh, In addition wish to say before we start that should you delivered united states a concern so we do not get to it, it may be since there happened to be certain matters that were like, oh, i do want to unpack this on a future complete episode, maybe with a unique guest that would become more, you are sure that, possibly more qualified to answer it. So we actually value the questions—

Christina:

You guys delivered plenty of concerns, that was cool, but we would not have time and energy to reach every one of those.

Drew:

Yeah. But they happened to be all browse.

Christina:

And in addition some of you simply sent us compliments without concerns.

Drew:

And, you realize, generally with — if this was a Q&A before or after a motion picture, it’d end up like, you shouldn’t praise anyone. There is a complete market right here, however for this, the actual only real market ended up being Christina and I also and Lauren. So really, comments, great. Thanks much. Actually, excellent.

Christina:

Thrilling to get, truly among my main meals teams.

Drew:

Therefore yeah, why don’t we begin with initial question. In the vocals memo, the individual says that they are semi-closeted, therefore we’re gonna exclude names just to end up being secure here. And let us tune in to this question.

Anonymous Asker:

Making this from a person who doesn’t have experience with internet dating at all, generally because i am semi-closeted and living call at the generally traditional boonies. When I graduate senior high school, I’m leaving this one and so I have a taste of free sextimgdom. And that I’m realizing that i will end up being entering the queer dating world. This can be a tremendously simple query, but exactly how do we ask a female out for the first time without falling into a full on panic and anxiety attack? As you’re able to tell, i am terrible at talking-to folks.

Drew:

It is an age old, age old question. Really.

Christina:

It is. We truly believe it is why we have a podcast.

Drew:

Yeah. I am talking about, personally i think like we type of recognize in which i’ll opt for this, that is like, it is more about recognizing the reality that nobody’s good at this? I am talking about, perhaps individuals ultimately get proficient at it since you get it done sufficient therefore sort of squander the — what is it — the publicity treatment or whatever — but like, really those types of situations where you simply do it also it becomes easier. And yourself, before I arrived on the scene — after all, to describe, I became asking ladies out before we was released as a result of the whole getting a trans person thing. As soon as i believe in regards to the beginning of once I remaining my awful small town and went off to college and was initially really inquiring men and women away, i truly took a tremendously direct strategy and really had been similar, “Hello, want to embark on a date?” And I also believe over time, I moved away from that a bit. But we honestly still, we still think often it’s great to simply be immediate and have someone out, while have a very clear answer. What i’m saying is, you might carry out the thing for which you only start unclear and have you to definitely go out and you just, you are aware, perform a,

Wait, Is This a night out together

online game for a long time.

Christina:

Right. Fingertips entered, I’m hoping that message comes across. I also believe in a scenario, like for my situation, whenever I began matchmaking, when I was queer dating, I became away from college, way out of my hometown, but I was undertaking a lot of dating via software and therefore does lower the awkwardness because it’s like, everybody knows everything we’re right here for. And even though i believe you’ll find obviously disadvantages to the matchmaking software, much like the majority of things in life, i really do think that particular removing that barrier of similar, oh no, exactly how embarrassing so is this likely to be? Like, could it be gonna be like, no, it’s, that’s what this can be for any program in which you have come to. And then when you, when you make hangout ask, it will always realize that it really is a night out together because that’s why we’re all right here. Vibing.

Drew:

Which is an effective point.

Christina:

I mean, i actually do realize that it really is — such as that sense of love, “Oh no, this really is gonna be very uncomfortable because I’m therefore awkward.” But frankly the times We have noticed awesome awkward, frankly, many people are exactly like, which was charming. Thus don’t think regarding your awkwardness just in want, this is exactly awkward and everybody dislikes myself. Folks could be like, that is uncomfortable, but it’s type adorable. And that I carry out like to go on a date to you. Two things is genuine. In my opinion which is stunning.

Drew:

Best shown. Yeah. Yeah. I think there is this concept that if you ask some body out, you ought to be like significant leading electricity Shane-style, and it’s like, no, it is possible to ask some one away as an awkward person, that is certainly yet another brand of hot, but it’s still, it’s still the brands.

Christina:

There are lots of labels of hot.

Drew:

Yeah.

Christina:

Wow. That Is really gorgeous.

Drew:

Great. Well, let us move on to the next question definitely coming from Claire from Australian Continent.

Claire:

Hey, I’ve loved playing you guys from here in Queensland, Australian Continent, along with a concern each of you actually. Christina, what is this non-transferable lip liner that you wear on an initial time, and in which may I purchase it? And Drew, your own website is a bit more challenging. How can you understand when to listen to the hard feelings that can come right up during a non-monogamous situation once to be effective through all of them?

Christina:

Wow. I enjoy that I have a lip and you also have tough feelings. I believe that is a truly gorgeous. I’ll go very first and provide you with a while to consider the tough emotions. Generally there’s several variations of a non-transferable lip. Whenever I was at my personal youthfulness back in the old mid-aughts, when everybody was merely addicted to dressed in a matte lipstick, i did so countless, like, Stila mattes are very non-transferable. But listed here is the one thing i am growing old. My skin gets drier. I can not be using a matte lip that way and never having a dried down lip time. So now we have moved into a stain, in fact it is truly cook’s hug. Trigger it would possibly get a little requirement, but no one truly sees, still look great. Presently a big follower of Clinique. Their particular black honey is an incredible one as well as the Knicks lippie powder puff, many colors, fades wonderfully. Outstanding lip stain. Get forth to make out on your dates with great lip area. That’s all i’d like for all truly. Today, Drew, speak with myself about hard emotions.

Drew:

Tough thoughts in non-monogamous relationships. Wow. Yeah. So a great thing that happened during the hiatus we’ve had up until now is the fact that You will find a girlfriend today.

Christina:

She is wonderful!

Drew:

Yeah. I am actually, really delighted. Im merely, I believe like every day sort of finding out brand new meanings of what connections and love and sex could be, and just have not been this much of a romantic since I have was in high-school therefore ended up being all theoretic. Thus, I’m very happy, want to share that. Im love, ok. But in addition what goes on when you’re, you understand, in a relationship you worry about versus, you are aware, only having hookups and fillings and material, is that you are checking in more with your personal limits and your partner’s boundaries as far as that which you explore. And look, all this could be items that i did not show. And that I merely moved into the concern and had been vague, but that is my personal version of being available when you are similar, explaining like specific factors why i may be vague on the podcast dancing, because i actually do think actually it is necessary in our parasocial interactions we have with folks which write or folks who have podcasts that like, I am not sure, to speak about this stuff, to share with you like how I decide my personal boundaries, especially as someone that writes and covers sex extremely graphically. Anyways, so all that as a preamble for this concern—

Christina:

Context is actually master. That’s what we are usually stating.

Drew:

Which can be to declare that like, What i’m saying is, you might say, like I’m, i am in my own basic union, like as an individual who’s open about getting non-monogamous and navigating that and et cetera. And I believe merely speaking usually, like every relationship is its very own talk. Along with the people who find themselves because relationship, everybody delivers priorities and delivers items that are like beliefs to the union, and in addition, tends to make compromises possesses discussions and — or does not, after which which is your version of that. Appropriate? And so I think it is type of an annoying response, however it is type of like, you must both consult with your self and talk to your lover or lovers, and determine sort of, you know, what’s essential for you, you know, if you should be an individual who’s monogamous while start internet dating a person who’s non-monogamous, is one thing you can aquire accustomed to? Are there any certain matters which make you comfortable? Can it be much more comfortable individually whenever your companion hooks up with some one that you all learn and it’s everyday and it’s really any, or do you, can it be more comfortable if they have different interactions, but they’re perhaps not surrounding you anyway? Or as with any these — there is many ways to have non-monogamous relationships. And I also have no idea in case you are asking this through the perspective of someone who’s very cost-free in non-monogamy and is possibly internet dating an individual who actually, or vice versa. But I think which is frequently a — I won’t also state a conflict, it’s just an integral part of becoming non-monogamous, I think, is that we have different interactions to non-monogamy.

Christina:

Yeah.

Drew:

For me personally, i really could date somebody who had a number of lovers. But typically with non-monogamy, my personal perfect should be to big date some one where i am their partner, and we’re not monogamous. Easily had been to date some one, which will ben’t the existing situation that i am in, in which I was matchmaking an individual who desired to have numerous lovers, i might need to be like, okay, preciselywhat are my thoughts about this individual? What exactly are my thoughts regarding how this individual communicates? Perform i do believe that that could be something which my work for me? And figure that away. And you will find union characteristics i really could be in where I’m using one end and in which I’m on the other end. And I also think just demonstrates that like, it is simply when it comes to deciding in the event that person you’re online dating — one, should your feelings for them tend to be sufficiently strong enough it’s worth every penny, and in case you are compatible sufficient within needs that it can operate, because sometimes you really like some body and they like you, or perhaps you love some one in addition they really like you, and it only doesn’t work down as to what both of you want from a relationship. And that’s sad, however it is in addition just the instance. So whether to be effective through tough feelings is gonna be instance by case. And I think that additionally it is extremely determined by interaction styles, since if you have great interaction together with the individual or individuals you are internet dating, possible sort out more than in the event that you find it hard to communicate. So those are common my rambling ideas on this thing that i do believe about a whole lot.

Christina:

I would like listeners to know that for this reason I get six-minute vocals memos from Drew. Though in equity, she has maybe not delivered me a six-minute vocals memo in a really long-time.

Drew:

This has been a long time.

Christina:

But that’s normally the electricity. And I carry out feel just like I just talked one into presence. I cannot wait for the subsequent few days.

Drew:

Do you think it’s because I’m in a relationship?

Christina:

I understand that it is.

Drew:

I am feeling vulnerable about that now. Yeah. I am just love, have always been I a poor buddy since i am in a relationship?

Christina:

I do believe its good and delightful and wonderful and great. And I also’m not quite clamoring for a lot more six-minute voice memos.

Drew:

I will send you a six-minute voice memo about my personal union. Would that be enjoyable? Would that be an enjoyable thing to have?

Christina:

After all, yes, needless to say it would. You are my friend.

Drew:

Thank you. Okay. Moving on.

Christina:

Progressing.

Drew:

Let us see. This sound memo is actually from Julia.

Julia:

Hey Received. Hey Christina. Listed here is my concern for y’all. Should you decide might have any fictional queer character from the pod, who does it is and just what online dating subject do you go over? Many thanks for taking these Qs! Bye!

Christina:

It is such a fun concern.

Drew:

This is certainly the question. My personal — truthfully, and not getting very Autostraddle about it, but my personal instinct impulse was like, i would really like one minute season that will be a stay down collectively primary fictional character of

The L Keyword.

And just becoming love, “What’s completely wrong to you?”

Drew:

Yeah. Okay. And so I’ve been making a concerted energy in my personal head and my personal writing, to speak about

The L Term

less, because I’m like, there’s such other stuff out there and like, it is fun that people have actually this common vocabulary, {but also|but additionally|